I found my 2011 diary, which had these goals written on the first page:
- Get a permanent job - FAIL, but only because I decided to keep chasing self-employment
- Get my weight down - FAIL
- Pay off my credit card and drop the limit - FAIL
- Get some savings - FAIL
- Do the 10km Bridge to Brisbane - FAIL
- Give up drinking Coke, again - FAIL
- Practice nails and advertise my business - DONE, but business is still super slow
- Have a professional photo session - DONE
- Declutter the house - DONE, but then it built up again, so FAIL
Interesting...
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Tense
I've been tossing up whether or not to just quit blogging. For awhile now, I haven't felt that I have anything worth contributing to the blogosphere. Or anywhere, really.
I'm not one of those vintage/indie/crafty bloggers that seem to be everywhere. I don't have kids. I don't travel. I don't do much of anything, really.
My life's not that exciting. I'm just a girl, living with her guy and their dog, struggling to start a sole-trader business and keep the wolves from the door.
A girl who takes a plethora of medications to keep her blood pressure down while the public health system crawls along, scheduling month after month of tests before setting a diagnosis in stone. Waiting for some answers, and hopefully a permanent solution.
When shit goes wrong, people can say "at least I have my health".
I can't. Not now, and not for who knows how long...
My life. Not that exciting.
I'm not one of those vintage/indie/crafty bloggers that seem to be everywhere. I don't have kids. I don't travel. I don't do much of anything, really.
My life's not that exciting. I'm just a girl, living with her guy and their dog, struggling to start a sole-trader business and keep the wolves from the door.
A girl who takes a plethora of medications to keep her blood pressure down while the public health system crawls along, scheduling month after month of tests before setting a diagnosis in stone. Waiting for some answers, and hopefully a permanent solution.
When shit goes wrong, people can say "at least I have my health".
I can't. Not now, and not for who knows how long...
My life. Not that exciting.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
New.
New year.
New blog background.
New profile picture.
New attempts.
New energy? Not yet.
Here I am, attemping to try and make something of my blog again.
It'll be interesting to see what happens over the course of the next 12 months. I hope 2012 is a lot nicer to me than 2011 was.
New blog background.
New profile picture.
New attempts.
New energy? Not yet.
Here I am, attemping to try and make something of my blog again.
It'll be interesting to see what happens over the course of the next 12 months. I hope 2012 is a lot nicer to me than 2011 was.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
2011 review... blah.
I just spent an hour doing the annual yearly recap.
Blogger ate it.
Story of my year, really.
Will try again later when I don't want to throw my computer out the window and jump out after it.
Blogger ate it.
Story of my year, really.
Will try again later when I don't want to throw my computer out the window and jump out after it.
Death to 2011
I don't really want to talk about 2011 any more. Let's consider this the last time I'll ever mention it, okay?
Last year's review is here.
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
A few things!
- Got my first tattoo
- Became self-employed, but not yet totally self-sufficient
- Learnt how to do eyelash extensions/eyelash grafting
- Had a stay in hospital
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I can't remember if I made any resolutions... so FAIL. I need to start taking better care of myself, so I'll be focusing on that from now on. I also need to stop swearing. It's not ladylike.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I know quite a few people who had babies this year... lots more due early next year, too.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.
5. What countries did you visit? One year, I'm going to shock the internet and say YES. But not this year.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? Enough money to not have a panic attack every time a bill arrives. And fully functioning kidneys would be nice!
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
- January to March. Dad was diagnosed with an aggressive viral cancer and had treatment which wasn't expected to work...
- August. The unexpected diagnosis of my high blood pressure and trying to find a cause.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Staying alive and somewhat sane? Let's go with that.
9. What was your biggest failure?
- Still trying to see the good in certain people, even when they're not showing you reason to.
- Giving up going to the gym because I was "too stressed". I used Dad's cancer as an excuse to further neglect myself. I mightn't be as sick as I am now if I'd persisted. So... bandwagon, I'm making a comeback!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I have a 95% confirmed case of fibromuscular dysplasia, where at least one of my renal arteries has some wave-like growths, narrowing the artery and causing high blood pressure due to my kidneys not getting enough blood... So think back pain, migraines, dizziness, loss of balance, heart palpitations, shaking... and so on.
11. What was the best thing you bought? I really should say my tattoo... being that its English translation is "believe", and I got it as a reminder that I CAN do anything I set my mind to... but it hasn't worked so far.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I'm not in a good place to answer this. I think just about everyone is an asshole right now.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Anyone who can't get their story straight, and doesn't have the balls to actually confront you if they have a problem with you. One person in particular.
14. Where did most of your money go? Household expenses. Nothing exciting.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My birthday... only because it was the weekend after I got released from hospital, and it meant actually enjoying myself and being able to eat real food.
16. What song will always remind you of 2011? LMFAO - Sexy & I Know It. Under protest. "I got passion in my pants and I'm not afraid to show it"... really?!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
(a) Happier or Sadder? Sadder
(b) Thinner or Fatter? Fatter
(c) Richer or Poorer? Poorer
(PITY PARTY AT MY PLACE! BRING MONEY, BOOZE, AND CARBS.)
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Telling people to get fucked. To their face.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stewed over situations that couldn't be changed.
20. How did you spend Christmas in 2011? Lunch at home with one of my BIL's, then dinner at my parents' place.
21. Did you fall in love in 2011? Is Matt looking? No? JAX TELLER. I don't do guys with blonde hair, or long hair for that matter... but I WOULD do Jax, no worries. Hot damn.
(Also, if you don't know who Jax Teller is, I suggest tracking down Sons of Anarchy and start watching IMMEDIATELY. It's one of those shows you have to watch from the very first episode, though, or you get lost.)
22. How many one-night stands? Zeeeeeero.
23. What was your favorite TV program? Sons of Anarchy. And not just because of question 21. Although, that certainly helps.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Yes. Absolutely. And I used to say hate was a wasted emotion, but damn that motherfucker to hell.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? I don't think I had one. I've been under a musical rock.
27. What did you want and get? A tattoo. Self-employed status.
28. What did you want and not get? That fat bank account and slim body I tee'd up with the man upstairs. He switched them again...
29. What was your favorite film of this year? Limitless was pretty good. Hangover 2. Both had Bradley Cooper. Another blonde I probably wouldn't say no to.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Since I'm not really supposed to be consuming alcohol (thanks, high blood pressure!), Matt suggested Dreamworld, and a group of our friends came along. I turned 24, which is officially mid-twenties, isn't it? Fuck.
Highlight of the day was screaming MOTHERFUCKER at the top of my lungs at the very top of the Tower of Terror. Don't judge... you totally would too.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Everyone being (and staying) healthy. I don't know ONE person who didn't either have health problems, or had someone in their family who was sick.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? None of my pants fit anymore, and I can't afford to buy new ones, let alone admit that I need to go up another size, so let's pretend to be all boho and girly and wear skirts and dresses ALL THE TIME. Long ones for bonus points when I can't be bothered shaving my legs.
33. What kept you sane? I'm going to go with... nothing. Totally lost my shit this year.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? *blank look*
35. What political issue stirred you the most? I try to avoid politics like the plague. But seriously, I don't get why feet are still being dragged on legalising gay marriage. It's not like straight people are doing a great job with it...
36. Who did you miss? Can't say I missed anyone in particular.
37. Who was the best new person you met? Once again, met several awesome people through contract work.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. Life's too short to waste on trivial issues and stupid people.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"I wanna feel weightless, and that should be enough" All Time Low - Weightless
Last year's review is here.
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
A few things!
- Got my first tattoo
- Became self-employed, but not yet totally self-sufficient
- Learnt how to do eyelash extensions/eyelash grafting
- Had a stay in hospital
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I can't remember if I made any resolutions... so FAIL. I need to start taking better care of myself, so I'll be focusing on that from now on. I also need to stop swearing. It's not ladylike.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I know quite a few people who had babies this year... lots more due early next year, too.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.
5. What countries did you visit? One year, I'm going to shock the internet and say YES. But not this year.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? Enough money to not have a panic attack every time a bill arrives. And fully functioning kidneys would be nice!
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
- January to March. Dad was diagnosed with an aggressive viral cancer and had treatment which wasn't expected to work...
- August. The unexpected diagnosis of my high blood pressure and trying to find a cause.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Staying alive and somewhat sane? Let's go with that.
9. What was your biggest failure?
- Still trying to see the good in certain people, even when they're not showing you reason to.
- Giving up going to the gym because I was "too stressed". I used Dad's cancer as an excuse to further neglect myself. I mightn't be as sick as I am now if I'd persisted. So... bandwagon, I'm making a comeback!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I have a 95% confirmed case of fibromuscular dysplasia, where at least one of my renal arteries has some wave-like growths, narrowing the artery and causing high blood pressure due to my kidneys not getting enough blood... So think back pain, migraines, dizziness, loss of balance, heart palpitations, shaking... and so on.
11. What was the best thing you bought? I really should say my tattoo... being that its English translation is "believe", and I got it as a reminder that I CAN do anything I set my mind to... but it hasn't worked so far.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I'm not in a good place to answer this. I think just about everyone is an asshole right now.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Anyone who can't get their story straight, and doesn't have the balls to actually confront you if they have a problem with you. One person in particular.
14. Where did most of your money go? Household expenses. Nothing exciting.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My birthday... only because it was the weekend after I got released from hospital, and it meant actually enjoying myself and being able to eat real food.
16. What song will always remind you of 2011? LMFAO - Sexy & I Know It. Under protest. "I got passion in my pants and I'm not afraid to show it"... really?!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
(a) Happier or Sadder? Sadder
(b) Thinner or Fatter? Fatter
(c) Richer or Poorer? Poorer
(PITY PARTY AT MY PLACE! BRING MONEY, BOOZE, AND CARBS.)
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Telling people to get fucked. To their face.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stewed over situations that couldn't be changed.
20. How did you spend Christmas in 2011? Lunch at home with one of my BIL's, then dinner at my parents' place.
21. Did you fall in love in 2011? Is Matt looking? No? JAX TELLER. I don't do guys with blonde hair, or long hair for that matter... but I WOULD do Jax, no worries. Hot damn.
(Also, if you don't know who Jax Teller is, I suggest tracking down Sons of Anarchy and start watching IMMEDIATELY. It's one of those shows you have to watch from the very first episode, though, or you get lost.)
22. How many one-night stands? Zeeeeeero.
23. What was your favorite TV program? Sons of Anarchy. And not just because of question 21. Although, that certainly helps.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Yes. Absolutely. And I used to say hate was a wasted emotion, but damn that motherfucker to hell.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? I don't think I had one. I've been under a musical rock.
27. What did you want and get? A tattoo. Self-employed status.
28. What did you want and not get? That fat bank account and slim body I tee'd up with the man upstairs. He switched them again...
29. What was your favorite film of this year? Limitless was pretty good. Hangover 2. Both had Bradley Cooper. Another blonde I probably wouldn't say no to.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Since I'm not really supposed to be consuming alcohol (thanks, high blood pressure!), Matt suggested Dreamworld, and a group of our friends came along. I turned 24, which is officially mid-twenties, isn't it? Fuck.
Highlight of the day was screaming MOTHERFUCKER at the top of my lungs at the very top of the Tower of Terror. Don't judge... you totally would too.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Everyone being (and staying) healthy. I don't know ONE person who didn't either have health problems, or had someone in their family who was sick.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? None of my pants fit anymore, and I can't afford to buy new ones, let alone admit that I need to go up another size, so let's pretend to be all boho and girly and wear skirts and dresses ALL THE TIME. Long ones for bonus points when I can't be bothered shaving my legs.
33. What kept you sane? I'm going to go with... nothing. Totally lost my shit this year.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? *blank look*
35. What political issue stirred you the most? I try to avoid politics like the plague. But seriously, I don't get why feet are still being dragged on legalising gay marriage. It's not like straight people are doing a great job with it...
36. Who did you miss? Can't say I missed anyone in particular.
37. Who was the best new person you met? Once again, met several awesome people through contract work.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. Life's too short to waste on trivial issues and stupid people.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"I wanna feel weightless, and that should be enough" All Time Low - Weightless
Monday, November 21, 2011
Pressure's still on
Just realised I still haven't updated with the specialist progress on the blood pressure front...
As Dr Google previously informed me... it's probable that I have fibromuscular displaysia. It also confirmed that it's pretty uncommon, especially for someone my age - 23.
My medication was changed so that the next round of blood tests aren't affected by rogue hormone levels. On that note, the new medication isn't working anywhere near as well, and more often than not, my readings are still coming back high.
They also said they wanted me to have a procedure done called Renal Vein Renin Sampling... where I'm admitted into hospital, put on a low-salt diet for several days, and then sedated while blood is collected directly from each kidney. I was told that when bloodflow is restricted to the kidneys, they emit certain hormones, namely renin, and the presence of it will confirm the fibromuscular displaysia.
The clinic said they weren't expecting me to have this done until after Christmas, with the closedown period and other factors being taken into account.
They called me Wednesday... I'm being admitted on the 10th of December, and not being released until the 16th. At least I'm not in hospital for my birthday, but damn. Less time to get organised for the week of lost income. Also, I need a new nightie, dressing gown and slippers...
I'm not looking forward to being flat on my back for 7 days. But it's better that they're doing it sooner rather than later, I guess.
As Dr Google previously informed me... it's probable that I have fibromuscular displaysia. It also confirmed that it's pretty uncommon, especially for someone my age - 23.
My medication was changed so that the next round of blood tests aren't affected by rogue hormone levels. On that note, the new medication isn't working anywhere near as well, and more often than not, my readings are still coming back high.
They also said they wanted me to have a procedure done called Renal Vein Renin Sampling... where I'm admitted into hospital, put on a low-salt diet for several days, and then sedated while blood is collected directly from each kidney. I was told that when bloodflow is restricted to the kidneys, they emit certain hormones, namely renin, and the presence of it will confirm the fibromuscular displaysia.
The clinic said they weren't expecting me to have this done until after Christmas, with the closedown period and other factors being taken into account.
They called me Wednesday... I'm being admitted on the 10th of December, and not being released until the 16th. At least I'm not in hospital for my birthday, but damn. Less time to get organised for the week of lost income. Also, I need a new nightie, dressing gown and slippers...
I'm not looking forward to being flat on my back for 7 days. But it's better that they're doing it sooner rather than later, I guess.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Listless
(Proper blog post coming soon... in the meantime...)
Things I am wary of:
Big dogs.
All bugs, especially spiders, bees and cockroaches.
The dark.
Emails telling me I'm entitled to a bazillion dollars.
Hospitals.
Things that gross me the eff out:
Blood. Any blood. Especially my own blood.
Raw meat.
Any mention of personal injury, cut or bruise. Makes my blood run cold.
Feet. Unless they're attached to a client I'm about to do a pedicure on, in which case 99.9% of them are looked-after feet. Otherwise, EW, keep those skanky feet away.
People, particularly women, who don't dress appropriately for their size. I mean, come on, I'm well and truly plus-sized, and you don't see me wearing short shorts and singlets clinging to every fat cell.
Things that make me straight up swoon:
Slipping into a freshly made bed with freshly shaved legs.
Having new nails.
Puppy kisses.
Random flower-giving (speaking of, it's been awhile...)
Almost anything that's purple.
Things that make me gasp:
Most nail products, nail polishes, rhinestones, so on and so forth.
Really, REALLY good chocolate. Or good cheese.
Lilly, usually when she jumps on me and lands in an awkward spot.
Matt, when he drops the C-word.
A super-duper hot shower.
Things that I don't feel are worth the price charged:
Underwear.
Petrol.
Pre-mixed alcoholic drinks. Am lazy.
Craft supplies.
Stationery.
Things I am looking forward to:
Getting my health back.
Spending Christmas with my family after this shitty year.
Doing more studying... maybe.
Travelling... one day.
Being my own boss.
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